I want to write a book.

I want to write a book. I want to sit down at my computer day after day, or maybe night after night, realistically weekend after weekend, and write truths, or half truths, or things with no truth at all. 

I want to scream when someone tells me it matters. Cry when someone tells me it doesn’t. Keep going regardless of what anyone tells me. 

I want to capture the words that get stuck in my head in a way that allows them to be heard and silenced all at the same time. 

I want to leave my daughters with a completed portrait of what their life was like before they can find their own words and medium to express it. 

I want to create something that I can say is me. I want to physically hold it and know that I’m wrapped up in every sentence it contains. Except the punctuation. Someone else will have to own that. 

I want to say it out loud to test if it sounds as terrifying as it does in my head. 

I want to write a book. 

2 comments

  • I feel you sista! I have had a book in my head for at least two years. At night, right before I fall asleep I dream about my characters. Its all tucked not so neatly in my head and I just want to put it on paper. I think I am scared. What if I can’t? What if I fail? Do I even have time? I think I just make excuses. Want to join Boise’s Novel Orchard with me? We can do it together?

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  • Nicole, I think that sounds like a great idea! I agree, it is terrifying. There are not many things I feel afraid of and for the most part failure is not something I usually consider. I feel like the idea of a “book” is different because of the permanence of it. Even if it is something that nobody reads it is still out there in a form that at some point you no longer have control over. I have yet to learn how to tell a story and leave it be. But they are all excuses. That is what I’m learning. And the very fact that I have this desire to do it tells me it is something I should listen to. I assume it is probably the same for you!

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