Adventures in Boyland

It’s been quite some time since I’ve blogged. Maybe it’s because I’ve been busy. I got accepted into grad school, was awarded a grant for grad school, and have filled out more applications in the last few months than most people will in a year. I also presented at Ignite Boise which you can watch here while continuing to work and be mommy to my two not so little monsters.

Or maybe it’s because my last post was about how awful match.com is, and how it would never work for me. Maybe I’ve been wanting to avoid the awkward moment where I have to admit how very wrong I was, because I in fact met someone quite wonderful right after that post. That person has in fact caused a great deal of happiness in my life and I’ve never seen evidence of a confederate flag.   So in order to avoid that awkwardness I’ll just skip ahead and say “I’ve entered the world of dating with kids”.

I think as a result of this I’m going to create a line of apology/thank you cards for single parents to use on their significant others. Here’s some in particular that I have in mind:

I’m really sorry that my kid sneezed in your face.

My sincerest apologies that my kid punched you in the balls. Again.

I’m sorry that my kid says “I like you” by spitting milk at you.

I promise to never use the word “potty” that much in a conversation again.

Thank you for watching Ni Hao Kailan 33 times in a row (sometimes the same episode), and for singing the Hot Dog Song during Mickey Mouse Clubhouse .

I appreciate you trying to keep a straight face after a three year old scolded you to “Keep your hands to yourself!” when you patted my leg.

Just a few ideas, mostly to keep me laughing, since that was my 2010 resolution. Because of all the things I’ve done this year, this new chapter has proven to be by far the most amusing. I definitely want to hear some other horror stories from single parents out there, so I know I’m not alone in the mortification my children can cause.

10 comments

  • HAHAHAHA I was wondering when you’d update.

    You might consider expanding the line of greeting cards to include others too. Parents of other kids. Relatives not use to small children. Random strangers even.

    “I’m sorry my child just stole your sippy cup.”
    “I’m sorry my child just licked your stroller.”
    “Forgive my child – I think he got that from his father’s side of the family…”

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    • That’s true. I can think of a few friends/employers/etc. that I owe some apology cards to. “Sorry my kid puked on your floor” Although, I feel like you need to go a step above a card for some things.

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  • I would totally fund your greeting card start-up! That is freakin’ hilarious. Could we maybe also add:

    “I’m sorry my kid walked in on you naked and now can’t stop mentioning your butt in every conversation.”

    That one might come in handy around my house.

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    • Ooooh! Really good one. I had a similar experience with a family member but it went like “I’m sorry my kid walked in on you peeing and then attempted to pee standing up”

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  • This made me giggle. I have had a few of those happen to me. Evan doesn’t talk much, but he has done the no touching mommy thing quite a few times. Now he likes me to sit by Kevin though. He even grabs my hand and leads me to the couch…

    Here’s a couple to add to your list:

    “I’m sorry my child pee’d on your foot.”
    “I’m sorry my child through your iphone down the stairs.”

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  • “Im sorry my child poked you in the boobs…repeatedly.”
    “I’m sorry my child shared her carrots with you by spitting them into your hand.”
    “I’m sorry my child commandeered your iPhone and accidentally called China.”
    “I’m sorry my child mistook your champagne ice bucket for a training potty.”

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  • Ha! Hilarious! I’ve actually been working on some “thank you” cards from the other side of the fence:

    Thank you for the free vaccinations, whats a little mucus between friends, anyway…
    Thank you for the reminder to always stay on my toes, and for helping me hit the high notes…
    Thank you for expanding my vocabulary with words like “potty”, and reminding me that kisses still trump scrapes and that going to bed early is kinda cool, showing me that the chinese make great cartoons, and that 3 year olds can be kinda scary when you touch mommy’s leg.

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