Resolution Step 1.

I try not to blog about my daily life too much on here. Even though that’s what I originally intended to do with this blog, let’s not kid around here. Not even I want to read about my daily life. HOWEVER, I made this resolution to laugh at myself more, and this is one way to do it.

So I started a third job this week. Stop yelling at me right this instant and let me explain! The job is just helping out with my friend’s grandparents. Cooking and cleaning a few times a week. I make them dinner three times a week, and me and the girls get to eat with them. Cooking dinner and doing the dishes are things that I would be doing anyway, so why not get paid for it?! (Ok, sometimes I do the dishes. Sometimes I act busy until my sister does them) Really this couple is  in need of company more than anything. It’s a win/win for everyone. And then on Sundays I’ll go over for a few hours to prep meals and clean. I plan on not bringing the girls during the cleaning day.

So Monday I went for the first time to meet the couple I’m gonna be cooking/cleaning for. SUPER sweet. I love them. The job seems like it’s going to be relatively easy and  very rewarding.  I didn’t bring the girls with me on Monday just so I could get to know them and chat with them without distractions.
So last night was the first time the girls came with me. I was SO prepared. I brought a portable high chair, I brought stickers, coloring books, sippy cups… we were ready for armageddon. I had several prep conversations with Evan beforehand about proper behavior. How she should not yell, spit, pull hair or play “wine” in front of these people. All I needed to do was heat up dinner that I’d already made, serve it, eat it, feed it to the kids, clean up. What could possibly go wrong in a hours time, right?
Hmmmm. What COULD possibly go wrong in a hour?
Well, we could walk in and the very sweet elderly couple could be very sweet by giving my children cookies and candy canes. Shortly after that my children could crack out on a sugar high and they could do the following things:
Run straight into a coat rack. Knocking the entire thing over AND breaking it, then lie screaming bloody murder while buried under a pile of coats.
Smear chocolate cookie all over their beige carpet.

Ripping sequins off a stuffed bunny that they gave to play with

Get out  of the chair constantly throughout dinner to run around the living room screaming.
Carry a piece of cornbread with you while running and screaming, resulting in crumbs all over house.
Yell “DAMN IT” at the top of your lungs at the dinner table.Followed by yelling “mama, can I say DAMN IT?” and then proceeded by “Why can’t I say DAMN IT? I thought you said I could say DAMN IT as long as I didn’t say….”

“NOOOOO!!!!!!!” (That was me screaming louder than her before she could drop the f bomb at the dinner table)

Throw an enormous screaming fit resulting in me having to hold the baby and walk with her throughout the entire meal, standing while taking bites of food.
Continue to throw an enormous fit while I tried to clean up to the point that while sitting in her highchair she used her legs to push herself backwards from the counter and would have tipped completely backwards if I wasn’t standing behind her.  I ended up washing all the dishes one handed, while holding the evil child. I even swept one handed. Don’t even ask how I got the dirt in the dust pan.

As I said, BRIEF list of our night. I almost cried. I might be fired. However today I am laughing. Because that’s what I now do.  See? Me laughing through the worst of it.

3 comments

  • Wendie Gone Feral

    Holy, wow. Again, you impress me! Too bad locking them in the car is illegal.

    Like

  • Holy wow is right. I’m impressed! That’s quite an evening you all had! LOL

    You know, look on the bright side. After this fine display of worst-possible-behavior, at least the elderly couple has seen it. Now Ev and Lu can proceed to charm the socks off of them with their better behavior.

    Although especially since they’re YOUR children, I’d definitely stop the sugar intake there. I seem to remember someone else I love dearly cracking out on sugar…

    Like

  • Ha! I’m late on this, but I woke up at 3am and couldn’t sleep. This made me laugh until I’m tired again. Thanks!
    -Teresa

    Like

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