You Will Prefer Silence

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They call it the silent sorrow. The unspoken grief that parents go through with pregnancy loss and stillbirth. Silent because nobody speaks it? Or silent because nobody wants to hear it? What should we say, really, to make ourselves louder and somehow more defined? Cry louder? Yell harder? Scream at strangers in parking lots? What should I say when the

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I Can Only See Yellow

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When we were in the hospital the Chaplain brought us coloring pages. My nurse, who helps grieving parents,  told me that for some women coloring is the closest they can get to finding a ‘nothing place’. A nothing place is where you go to not feel the pain all around you. It helps you survive the burning house. So I try

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Let’s Call it a Life Pivot

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There is perspective to be found while laying on the bathroom floor. You have to squint a little to see it, but right there nestled between three positive pregnancy tests and the layer of grime you’ve been meaning to clean off the counters you can find it. It might take a day or two before you want to acknowledge it, but

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I gave birth to a book.

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On July 18th, 12:01 AM following three months of researching, five months of writing, three months of revising and four months of waiting, I gave birth to a healthy, beautiful, 8oz, 9in long book.  This pregnancy was not unlike my first two. It started with a lot of questions. Q: “How much money does it cost to have a child?”

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Who I Want My Children to Share a Bathroom With

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I’ve been reading a lot about the bathroom controversy  that is dividing school districts, states, and even our nation itself over the last few months. I’ve also been reading a lot about fear. I’ve learned that our brains can’t fully function—can’t make rational decisions—when we are fearful of something.   “Fear prompts retreat. It is the antipode to progress. Just

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